i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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