it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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