I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
