your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
