Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize