:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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