I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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