Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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