Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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