You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
His hands were made for my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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