Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ladies don't puke and tell
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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