waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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