I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
