I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
