Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
