Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
