There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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