So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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