i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
