when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
