Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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