I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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