who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
