You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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