I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
