I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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