Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
