At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
