Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
