I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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