hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
