My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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