i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
