Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
