At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
