So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
