I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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