my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
