If i come over, it means nothing
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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