is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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