so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
