Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
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i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize