And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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