thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
