i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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