He is an equal opportunity slut.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
