at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
