I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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