Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
