you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
