I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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