Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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