That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
