i jhust puked up my retainher.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
