If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
