She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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