I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
